19 February 07   *   Monday   *   8:30pm
I spent the weekend at Cabeza Prieta National Wildlife Refuge. Granted I was at a workshop, but the expansiveness was not lost in the learning experience. It made me want to travel. It made me want to explore. It made me want to leave all I have behind. It made me want to buy a few acres of land and a yurt. Yet, tomorrow looms in the near distance. Just behind a walk of the dog and a few hours of shuteye. Lunch today with a friend also made me envious of his travels. He's got more freedom and leniency. I suppose I'll like where my life is headed. Am I losing my choice? Am I losing my voice?


27 October 06   *   Friday   *   9:27pm
I attended the conference, learned a few things, and drove up to Sandpoint, ID. I liked Boise and especially appreciated the fact that there were trees and that the leaves were turning brilliant colors. Jamie and Ben arrive next week and I am so excited. We're going to have so much fun and do all sorts of cool things around southern Arizona. This past weekend, a local friend and I went out near the Rincons and watched the Orionids meteor shower. We didn't see as many as I would have liked to have seen, but it was still awesome (and really cold)! Anyways, I'm getting tired and I have a lot to accomplish tomorrow morning before I have to go to work. So, signoff?
2 October 06   *   Monday   *   8:54pm
It's interesting or sad that I still haven't uploaded any additional pictures or poetry or even words. My failing project is on hiatus, so I can't use that as an excuse. I have several hundred pictures that need to be put into albums and uploaded. The process is tedious and I haven't had a weekend in weeks. One day here and another there doesn't really allow one to relax and be productive. One thing I have done for myself this summer is that I've gone kayaking on three different lakes - Patagonia, Roosevelt, and Parker Canyon. Maybe I'll make it a goal to kayak all the lakes of Arizona before I leave. Speaking of leaving, I'm going to Idaho next week. What's in ID besides potatoes? I don't know, but I'm sure I'll find out. I do know that Sarah lives in Sandpoint, ID and I will be seeing her. Also, I will hopefully learn something that will relate to work, since the purpose of the trip is to attend a conference. Anyways, I have to walk the dog. Pictures tomorrow? Maybe just one set...but which one?


4 June 06   *   Sunday   *   4:04pm
Recently, I watched the sunrise from the top of Mt. Bigelow with a friend and a crappy cup of coffee. I was inspired by Byrd Baylor's book - The Way to Start a Day. A few days after that, I watched the sunset from atop Sandia Peak north of Albuquerque, New Mexico and that evening joins the ranks of incredible moments in the southwest. The entire valley was visible from the top and there were rain showers spotting the desert, occasionally obscuring the sun. The colors were brilliant; it was cold and windy; i was all alone with about 100 other people. So, I haven't written much or added anything recently. I'm trying to change that, but it is slow going. I have weeks of photographs I want to add and pages of historical poetry. Maybe I should work on one thing each night instead of trying to do a marathon. Anyways, I'm distracted by a failing project that has been requiring a lot of time, effort, and thought, seemingly to no avail. When do you give up? Will I be able to give up? Enough for now. I'm going to try to make at least one other change during this session... Where will it be?!?!?


15 December 05   *   Thursday   *   8:57pm
I am terrible at keeping up with this thing. I guess I shouldn't have expected more. I wish sometimes that I could put more in here, but then I would be revealing myself to the world and that just can't happen! I have successfully given up caffeine and am drinking herbal tea and taking vitamins. Crazy shit, eh? I leave for Atlanta in a week. I hope that all that time with family goes over well. Rachel will be with me for the first few days, then I fly to Miami, and then later on that week, I come home. I'm glad that I will have a few days before going back to work to relax. It will be great to see my dad. I just saw my mom and sis... I also haven't seen my extended family in quite some time. I'm going to bed early tonight, so I'm signing off.


5 November 05   *   Saturday   *   1:12pm
I leave tomorrow for Mobile, AL for a week. I don't really want to go, but I also do want to go. I'm sure that I will learn lots and have some fun, but right now, I just feel like being centered in Tucson. The people I love are here (minus a few key ones wandering in different states). But, being out of town will make time move faster, because routines will be broken. My biggest goal for the next week is to give up caffeine. I figure that I'll be off my routine and so it should be easier. Hopefully, I am not truly an addict and won't suffer from withdrawl headaches. I'll also get to see my mother and sister, and possibly my Nanny, while I'm in Mobile. That will be fun... Maybe I'll come back with more fodder for this thing. ciao!


31 October 05   *   Monday   *   8:58pm
I am ultimately happy! no words to describe it. no reason to elaborate. if you're involved you already know all you need to know. and, if you're not, then you obviously don't need to know. but, you should know that i'm euphoric and that's a good thing. it's a nice place to be. and, if you have the chance to listen to relax trax on aol radio, you really should, because it is the best compilation of interesting, quiet, reflective music. great for an evening with a glass of wine and good company.
18 October 05   *   Tuesday   *   8:37pm
I thought that I was bad about updating my personal journal that sits by my bedside. But, when you have to go through more than picking up a pen, it's much harder to convince yourself to add anything. Besides, this is censored, so I can't really get anything done here. Can't really bitch about work. Can't brag about friends. Can't tell any good secrets. I'm curious as to why I've even incorporated this component into this site at all. One happy thing about yesterday is that David got a puppy. He's really cute and will be a nice addition to our little group of pups and people. If you're reading this, you're probably invited to Thanksgiving, so give me a call for details... goodnight.


03 September 05   *   Saturday   *   11:35pm
I can't watch CNN or Fox News anymore. The devistation is too much. I made a few small contributions this morning to help the people and animals of that region, but it doesn't feel like I'm helping much. If I was living in Nacogdoches still, I'd probably be more involved. So much is happening and has happened, but most of it can't go in here. Miami was Miami. I escaped the day before Katrina passed over south Florida. It was great to see all of the family down there and my sister, but I've never before had such a busy trip to Miami. It was go, go, go. But, I did get a quilt made and spent time with everyone that I wanted to and needed to. I even got to go up to Pompano to visit with Nana and walked on the beach for a few minutes. I don't feel much like trying to be profound or investing too much information into this tonight. Maybe I can get some work done on the site tomorrow, especially pictures. Goodnight!


13 August 05   *   Wednesday   *   11:46pm
I visited with my familia mexicana tonight. I often worry that I'm staying too long while I'm there, but I think that Maria would tell me if I was. It's such a happy place to visit. I can't wait until my Spanish gets better so that I can talk more with Ricardo and Marianna. Maria was making Ricardo speak English to me and me speak Spanish to him. His English is much better than my Spanish! I really need to go to bed so that I can be really productive tomorrow. I forgot that I am leaving on Thursday for Miami - I need to plan and pack! It will be nice to get away for a few days and relax. I'll let you know how it all goes...
03 August 05   *   Wednesday   *   8:45pm
I have another person in my department. Finally, someone I can abuse! Amy came home from the hospital last Friday. Saturday, we took Fernanda to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - horrible movie. I'm just here, wasting my time making this website better for no one but myself. Hah!


23 July 05   *   Saturday   *   6:20pm
Long weeks and too many thoughts. I need a vacation and the one coming up may not satisfy my needs. It's one of those days - the clouds are low, the thunder rumbles, but the rain only comes in fits and starts without bringing relief. The song, "If I had a million dollars" has been playing on the radio a lot lately. Today, I said to myself, I wish that I could have some extra money like that to take care of a few important people I know; and then I listed off the names. I don't want to be rich, I just want to alleviate some heartaches, headaches, and frustrations for a dozen or so people. Why are the greedy people the ones who end up with the abilities? Enough bitching for now...
13 July 05   *   Wednesday   *   6:49pm
Well, Amy Kristine Lopez Fernandez decided that she had had enough and arrived yesterday at 12:02pm. She weighed 4lbs 14oz and is 17 1/4" long. She came quickly and I was unfortunately unable to get to the hosptial quickly enough. Luckily, Ricardo was there and was brave enough to make it through the surgery. She is a 34 weeker, so will have to stay in the hospital for a little while. But, she is only on IV fluids - no oxygen, no incubators. She is beautiful and I am honored to share my name with her. I will post some more pictures soon. Please keep thinking positive thoughts...
11 July 05   *   Monday   *   6:09pm
It's been an exciting couple of days. Saturday, Maria called and said she was in the hospital. We were all worried that Amy was coming early and I hurried to the hospital to be with Maria. After a long, tense night, the contractions slowed and today they slowed even more. So, things are looking good. I hope that Amy can wait at least 2 more weeks before making her debut. On the other hand, I can't wait to meet her, but August is soon enough. So, for any of you who actually read this junk, please think and pray about Maria and Amy.
03 July 05   *   Sunday   *   8:56pm
Finally have two days off in a row and all I want to do is go to work. At least there, I can keep my mind busy and away from a few subjects that are haunting me. But, at the same time, if I was at work, I would be cleaning my office and listening to music, which would allow my mind to wander, which at this point is not a good thing. So far, the best thing that has happened all weekend was my Friday night outing with David. I ended up coming home at 2am - a definite sign of a good night. Today was okay at Jen's house, but I don't really know all the B.P. people. It was fun to see a tiny baby and talk to Dana about her pregnancy. I can't wait until Amy Kristine is born. I feel so honored to have her named after me. I need to get started on her present, since Maria's shower is this Friday... I'm also slightly excited that I will be restructuring some parts of this website and making it a little less flat. However, I also know how long my list of things to get accomplished before I go back to work is and it's a little overwhelming. There's always tomorrow. For now, adios.


24 June 05   *   Friday   *   7:05pm
Obligations cause me to feel like I should go to Vegas for the weekend of the 4th. Someone else's excitment is creating a desire to go to Albuquerque. Reality will more than likely keep me in Tucson, alone. 10:26pm - Got distracted earlier, and ended up on the porch with a cold beer. Then, the neighbor kid started talking to me and didn't stop for at least an hour. Finally told him I had to take Zoe for a walk. He insisted he would wait for me on the porch, but his mom made him go inside. So many things going on, so many things happening, but i have no desire to do anything. i just want to sit on a porch somewhere under a lazy ceiling fan and drink sweet tea or fresh lemonade and have good, ole' fashioned conversation. Or, be at a small bar in a town i used to know with a few choice friends. or, sitting on the porch at the penthouse playing guitar by candlelight with jon and jon drinking from a gallon jug of cheap wine. that was a good summer. a summer of jamie's family, karaoke, ben's birth, canoeing the delaware, papa's death, wine by the gallon, beer by the case, pool at the red lion, guitars on cedar hill, wendy's research, flo's porch, work that felt like play, driving with my eyes shut (boy it's nice to trust people), flying down milford rd to avoid the tourists on 209, and on and on. i could almost smell the pine trees and hear the owls as i typed that run-on memory trip. i can picture walking the road from the laundry back to the cabins at night without a flashlight. i'm back on the scenic gorge trail with a group of kids on a night hike, sans flashlights, trying to be quiet and still during the solo hike. those thoughts take me even further back to living at the school house, koop and her guitar, wendy's moose-themed birthday party, spending the night with steve, halloween at the loch, dog sitting for various people around the county (there was no real town), the T.Q., red lion, driving through jersey during a tornado, visiting laurie in manhattan and getting pulled over by the park service...they all play out and no one reading this has a clue about how it all mattered. so, i bid adieu to no one and go to bed.
22 June 05   *   Wednesday   *   9:38pm
Today sucked! I ended up working a 12-hour shift and didn't even get a pee break until after 3:30pm. It was sometime after that that I finally got a chance to get some lunch. I have been busting my butt for that place with little to no thanks. Some people would say that I should just go home each day after 8 hours of work and leave that which was undone until the next day. However, everything has a deadline of yesterday, because I was not told to be doing some of these things all along. Or, in the case of a task I brought home last night after a 9 hour day (no lunch break), I was told today to include something that I had no idea how to approach. You can't expect me to read your mind and just magically figure out what you want! I know that there is a lot of bitching going on here, but things are getting ridiculous. And, the best part is that I'm not the only one noticing these things, but no one seems able to change the situation. Let the countdown begin...
18 June 05   *   Saturday   *   10:15am
I can't believe it. My first day to sleep late in over 2 weeks and what time did I find myself staring at the clock? 5:30am. That's the time that I've been getting up all week - I guess I can consider myself well trained. I stayed awake until 7:45am reading and then went back to sleep until just a few minutes ago. I have to work today, but not until later on this afternoon, so I was hoping to have a nice, relaxing, lazy morning. But biology screwed that up. Maybe tomorrow. I have no commitments and I actually get two days off in a row. I would like something fun to do. Colin suggested that I go up to Mesa Southwest Museum and check it out. But, the drive to Phoenix is boring by yourself unless you take a crazy ass back way. We'll see.

I had a blast last night sitting on the porch at Magpies. The company was exquisite, the weather pleasant, the beer and pizza delectible, the conversation light and entertaining, the evening complete. It's not often that the stars and planets align for such a wonderful gathering of friends. Maybe it has something to do with the impending solstice and full moon on the same day? Time to go run errands for work...
09 June 05   *   Thursday   *   7:29pm
I was going to get a cat on Monday. His name was Tomahawk, but I was going to call him Tobias (Toby for short?). I went to the Humane Society to make a donation in memory of a friend and decided to go in and look at the cats. I felt pressured to "save a life" so I picked one out and filled out all the accompanying paperwork. By the time they called my name, it was 6pm and the leasing office was closed. Maybe it was divine intervention, because it prevented me from taking the cat that night. All night, I thought about everything and realized that I was making a huge mistake. So, on Tuesday, I declined the offer to bring him home. I know I made the right decision. Zoe would have been crazy for weeks and the cat would have had to spend a lot of time in the office, since Rachel is allergic. Tonight, I returned the cat supplies I bought Monday night in anticipation of Toby's arrival Tuesday. So much for preparation... At least they let you return stuff like that.

I'm doing a photo shoot for a friend's band on Sunday. I'm excited and nervous. I hope they like the shots I take. The drummer and I went out last night to scout out potential backgrounds. We took over 50 pictures digitally to show the other band members. It's interesting to go back and look at the ones each of them likes - there's not a lot of overlap in their choices.

Tomorrow's the last day of the first week of summer camp. I wish that I had a two day weekend, but I was stupid enough to book a birthday party Saturday morning. I don't even get to sleep late on Sunday or stay in my pajamas all day, because I have to be down on Forth, ready to go at 9am. Then, it's right back to being at work at 7am for another week. I can't wait to hire my assistant!!! That's enough b.s. to add for one night. I wish I had something important to say...
05 June 05   *   Sunday   *   2:48pm
I haven't written much in here, because I was just trying to get everything to the point that I could go live. Well, that moment came this past week. I don't think I could have done it without the help of 2 guys who know a lot more about this stuff than I do. I think the best thing was a compliment from a friend that my code looked pretty good. Since this is the first time I've ever tried to write code, instead of using Netscape Composer (which I used a lot at SFA), hearing that I did a good job from someone who does this for a living was awesome.

Went to a Sidewinders game last night with people from work. I think I watched about 15 minutes of the game. I think that the real point of the evening was just to be with people, which I did. Matthew and I then went to a bar on 4th for a beer and Waffle House for breakfast. The best part was that I didn't get up until almost noon... Anyways, I need to finish up fixing a few things in all this jumble of letters and symbols so that I can tell a few people about it.


30 May 05   *   Monday   *   10:15pm
Sitting around with Matthew, David, Rachel, Zoe, and Gus was fun and relatively uneventful. That's the way that a holiday Monday should go. I still don't see all the humor in Napoleon Dynamite, but eventually I'll see it enough for it to be amusing.
27 May 05   *   Friday   *   9:45pm
This is my first entry. I'm not sure how I'm going to feel about writing things online. I may not say as much or at least not the same things that I do in my thick black book. I will say that today I began the process of giving Sam's Club and Walmart a boot in their ass. I know that my refusing to make any further purchases from them will not greatly affect their general well being, but it will improve mine. I'm tired of getting screwed!